A few words about myself
People usually call me simply Emma or sometimes Emmučka or Emmina . In a very very fast and forgotten past, they used to call me "M" but there is no link to be seen with James Bond's boss as you can guess ... in the same forgotten past, a small minority of friends used to call me "countess" as well, but the reason of this was only a good homework that i did and that allowed me later to enter in the Frensh "preparatory classes" supposed to prepare the students to the entry exams of the Frensh "Grandes Ecoles" . I guess that's all what i can say about my eventual nicknames
About my age : I'm 20 year old. I've always been used to live in the middle of people much older than I am, thanks to the Frensh education system, and it never disturbed me really, only maybe when I was studying during one year in the worse conditions that you could ever imagine. I was 19 and I was with people old in their minds, oldfashioned in their feelings, and that had only one dream which was to enter in the ENS (Highest National School) of Lyon, at all costs. It wasn't a problem for them not to speak to someone just in case they would have the same dream. This dream for me was nothing else than a big nightmare. 11 hours german everyweek, eleven hours that made me hate this language that I liked before. Eleven hours during which I always felt stupid not to know basic grammatical points or basic words... eleven hours with a teacher and nearly bilingual or german students...I guess it was the worse part of my life and the end of this year was the moment when I decided to create the blog.It took me one year to find interesting people in this school, I dont wanted to lose them, and in the same time I initially wanted to say online what i lived there. I didnt do that. It affected me a lot. I was not used to drunk teachers kissing their students in discos, I was not used that during an oral with only a teacher and me the teacher says " I like your clothes, you are very pretty" or worse "I would like you to smile to me". They comment the way you catch your hairs, the way you walk or speak... everything. They want to be your parents...to protect you in one way and if you have a too strong personality to accept it, if you dare saying what you thing, if you dare saying the system is unfair, then they will destroy your future, they will try to destroy you. And, when you will by your own have succeeded in some entry exam, instead of giving you congratulations, they will say "this school is bad enough for you" .
After such an experiment you can only be more realistic about the people. You can then survive to nearly everything, you will always have the feeling that it could never be worse than it has been, and this will be true. After one year to try to help your neighbours stop crying, you are stronger. I generally consider I'm strong, although some people know it's not always the case .
What makes me cry ? few things indeed, the death, and the feeling of losing someone that I like . Do I always cry ? In front of people it happend only once in my whole life.
What makes me laugh ? My two aunts ... and I don't know... when I was 14 year old I was proud of the fact that it was very difficult to make me laugh. Otherwise, some friends, sometimes ...books sometimes, but not the movies... sorry for the actors !
What makes me happy ? Life makes me happy, because i like it like it is ant I think I'm very lucky to live like I live .
Me and friends : I dont have a bestfriend. I decided not to have a bestfriend anymore lots of year ago, because I think it's childish to be dependent of a person like that. I dont like exclusivity and I think friendship can be shared, on the contrary to love. So I kept some good friends from the college, two good friends from this terrible year in Rennes, 3 in Bordeaux, and I will tell you next year how much from Prague... one semester is too short to know eac other good, but on the other side when you are in erasmus you tend to pass more time with the people ... so I dunno... life is so strange that we sometimes lose contact with good friends,and keep contact with people you didnt really know... nobody knows and I think that's the charm of the human life, not to know what will happen after.
Me and my philosophy : I've been studying filosophy for so long that I'm fed up with filosophy now... however If I had to explain the way i see the life in some words I would say that it's important to do what we really wanna do, and tat if there is not always an happy ending, it doesnt matter because you will always have the personal satisfaction to have done the things the best way you can. My point of view is as a result "never give up" and my sentance " A tant vouloir une chose on finit toujours par l'obtenir ou par trouver la force de ne plus la désirer" which means basically when you want something during a very long time, you finally get it, or you become strong enough not to want it anymore... so a rather optimistic point of view and way of living.
Me and the language : I like to be able to understand the foreigners when they speak together and think i dont understand anything, I'm curious, I always need to understand all the aspects of a situation, I cannot forget something untill I have all the answers that I want.I've been thinking to the same guy during 6 years,and in 5 minutes of msn conversation my feelings suddenly changed and I forgot. I dont think the truth is hard to ear, at least for me "nothing" is much harder . Te truth always helps to forget while nothing helps to remember
I like to remember the good moments and people usually are surprised by my memory because I sometimes remember really unimpotant things. I rarely write anything, i never really had a private diary, I hate the idea of saying everythnig to a book, or to be honnest I got one in which i copied personnal letters that i wrote, and some events that i was afraid to forget, the whole less than 4 small pages . I always laugh when I read them and i know i would laugh if ever i read what i write today in a few years ... that's why i try to avoid writing when it is possible. And when it isn't, well then i try to do it the best way possible...howerver i thing laughing is better than regretting. I rarely sincerly regrett my decisions. The important ones at least. If I a good reason to take a decision, then i dont care about the after effets of this decision. In the chinese Zodiac I'm a tiger, a fire tiger , completely impossible to controle, looking very king but able in the same time to be very dangerous. People used to consider i'm a quiet person but some other would say the contrary ... i like to be impossible to know and to understand... and I'm often surprised by the various opinions that the people can have about me ... I'm not sure they are all mistaken, maybe I'm just a mix of everything, like everybody is a mix of everything . I kept the habit to keep my feelings for me during several years, I then noticed that the people like to share them, (but not all of them !) someone one day said to me that "to live" means "to change"
If I had the power to make someone love me : I wouldn't use this power cause i want to be liked or loved for myself,not for how i look, not for my monney, not because I'm Frensh .. or 12 % Polish or from the N*bility or whatever ! and if I write this down, it means that it allready happened .
If I had te power to make someone hate me : I honnestly think I do have this power ... well I jest, but if I really had it, I'm not sure I would need to use it neither ...
My favourite colour : I guess noone cares about it and he his right... however my favourite colour is and has always been blue.
Me and despair : I'm desperate by the java-script language on the computers, I'm desperate by the lessons of RMB at school, I'm disperate when I need 2 hours to ungerstand the Russian grammar and understand then thet I understood it the wrong way ... I was desperate when everybody forgot my birthday (the 30 may 2004 was the day of the entry exam to the ENS-Lyon as well (LOL) ... but showed who is a real friend and who isn't .
Me and movies : I'm not a famous actress even if I used to have the first role in a Theater play years and years ago ... and played in the Big Theater of Morlaix ... who remembers ? I like very different kinds of movies, I usually hate the hollywood superproductions, I dont tink one should like an actor just because he is goodlooking. So my favourite movie, I discovered it years and years ago, is "Le professionnel" with Jean-Paul Belmondo (Alain Delon doit se retourner dans sa future tombe) => si quelqu'un peut me traduire cette phrase en anglais compréhensible je vous remercie ! I'm not fond of romantic movies, unless they are less kitch and that it isn't the point of the story like usual ... I didn't like Elephant man, I then thought i shoul watch this movie again... now the movie I really ate is "Brice de Nice" ... I guess someone at least will agree !
